Fascinating Womanhood, Green Prosperity Handkerchiefs

The people have spoken. As my three regular readers know, I watch my hits religiously and obsess about referring links. Primarily, I love to know what people search on Google when they find me. Lately, there's been another run on the Green Prosperity Handkerchief and Fascinating Womanhood. Being a man of democracy as well as exceeding good looks and fashion sense, I shall give you what you want!

Christ, this could take a while...Mrs. Switzer started reading the Fascinating Womanhood book. We'll have to wait while she processes her outrage...

Okay, we're back. First, a word on Don Stewart and his "Green Prosperity Handkerchief" scam. If you're looking for the green hankies because you want to help Don out and maybe get rich yourself, you need to do a couple things: 1) Change the channel. You saw him on TV and bought his line. 2) Address your own financial situation, and get real help from real people. There is always help available. Don is not going to help you; in fact, he wants to take what little money you have left and put it in his pocket. 3) Know that Don Stewart has been convicted, more than once, for stealing the money of people just like you. It's okay to be poor and hope for a miracle, but you've got to work for that miracle, and stop trusting immoral hucksters like Don. (and if you're here because you saw through the scam and want to find out more about Don, welcome, friend!)

So here's how this works. I find a section of Fascinating Womanhood that just has to be shared, and I share it. Then you read it. Then I say some nasty things about the loons who actually subscribe to this nonsense. Then Switzerblog continues it's meteoric rise to fame (5 regular readers, here we come!).

Today, we're going to learn about "childlike anger". Apparently, this is a great way to keep your husband happy (the ultimate goal of FW) and still get your way (goal #2). She starts with a description of a child's anger...

They are so trusting, so sincere, and so innocent, and yet so piquant and outspoken that they are often teased into anger. They are too innocent to feel hate, jealousy, resentment and the uglier emotions. When such a child is teased, she does not respond with some hideous sarcasm. Instead she stamps her foot and shakes her curls and pouts. She gets adorably angry at herself because her efforts to respond are impotent.

You see where this is going...Next we get an introduction in how to express childlike anger.

2. Manner: Next time you are angry with your husband, why not try some childlike mannerisms: Stomp your foot, lift your chin high and square your shoulders. Then, if the situation merits it, turn and walk briskly to the door, pause and look back over your shoulder. Or you can put both hands on your hips and open your eyes wide. Or (warning - Switzer's favorite tactic in 3, 2, 1...), beat your fists on your husband's chest. Men love this! (Mrs. Switzer tried it for me - it was mostly weird.) Or, there is the timid, frustrated manner of pouting, looking woeful or looking with downcast eyes while mumbling under your breath, or putting both hands to your face, saying "Oh, dear!" These are only a few of the childlike mannerisms you can adopt.

Some of these actions may seem unnatural to you, at first. If they do, you will have to be an actress to succeed in childlike anger, even if only a ham actress. But, remember, you will be launching an acting career which will save you pain, tension, frustration, a damaged relationship and perhaps even save a marriage. Is any acting career of greater importance? So, turn on the drama. It is guaranteed to prick tension in no time flat and bring humor into your life instead of pain.

That's right, ladies. If he's laughing at you, he can't be angry at you. Don't worry about working things out, just go ahead and humiliate yourself a bit for your man's amusement, and all will be well! Back to it...

3. Use Adjectives: Acquire a list of expressions or words which compliment masculinity, such as "you big, tough brute," or "you stubborn, obstinate man," or "you hairy beast" (oh, yeah, baby). Other appropriate adjectives are - unyielding, determined, difficult, hard-hearted, inflexible, unruly, stiff-necked, indomitable and invincible. Be certain that your words compliment masculinity and will not belittle his ego, such as the words little, imp, pip-squeak, insignificant, weak, simple-minded, etc.

Yeah, save weak and simple-minded for yourself, toots.

4. Exaggerate: Exaggerate his treatment of you by saying, for example, "How can a great big man like you pick on a poor little helpless girl like me!" or "So this is the way you treat a poor little helpless girl," or "Oh, what a dreadful thing to do!" or "You are the meanest man in town." Or, be charmingly defensive by saying, "I'm just a poor, erring, wayward little human being," or "Everyone has at least one little fault. Nobody's perfect!" Or, make childlike threats by saying, "I'll never speak to you again," or "I won't do anything for you anymore," or "I'll tell your mother on you." Be sure that your expressions represent a trustful, feminine woman of high character and not a vulgar or suspicious one.

Good lord - don't tell the Switzermom! Now, for some ground rules: When you do and do not have a right to be angry.

You have a right to express anger when you have been mistreated - when you have been insulted, criticized harshly, imposed on too far, treated unfairly, ignored, teased, etc. But you do not have a right to express anger when the man has failed in his world of responsibility, when he has made a stupid mistake in his work, lost his job, neglected to cut the lawn, balance the budget or wash the car, etc. He has a right to be himself, to be weak, lazy, to neglect his duty or even to fail. That is his department. He does not, however, have a right to mistreat you. This is where we draw the line.

So, I have to ask: Is it not mistreating you if he fails to be responsible? Don't both parties have an obligation to not be lazy, to ensure the family doesn't wind up destitute? This crazy broad has just indicated that men have a right to impose more work on women by being lazy and neglecting whatever their own jobs may be, because that is somehow not mistreatment! That's not even funny - it just scares me that there are still women who think this way! Oy. Anyway, crazy broad goes on to tell us that you don't use childlike anger to change your man, just to vent your feelings when he mistreats you. (If you haven't been following along, you're not allowed to try to reform a man who mistreats you according to FW) Don't use it for "trifles" so you don't seem picky, and even though it's difficult, you must use it for major offenses like, you know, physical abuse and infidelity. She makes it clear this may be difficult, but it isn't impossible! Let's take a look at major offense, then I'll let you get on with your life.

MAJOR OFFENSES
There are some serious ways in which men sometimes mistreat women - infidelity, physical abuse, gross neglect, non-support, and lack of respect for human rights and liberty, etc. When a man thus mistreats his wife, she needs to live the entire philosophy of Fascinating Womanhood for a period of time, to soften his heart and try to bring about a reformation in his behavior.

You read that right. If he cheats or beats you, don't leave - just practice being a Fascinating Woman. The best part is coming up.

Men's ugly actions are sometimes the woman's fault, sometimes due to her lack of acceptance, admiration, sympathetic understanding, and her failure to place him No. 1. When she so neglects his greatest needs, she can bring out his ugly side.

Yeah, you read that right.

But, in addition to living all of Fascinating Womanhood, major offenses can sometimes be handled with childlikeness. For example, a woman wrote to me the following experience: "One night my husband was out with another woman. As I waited in agony for him to come home in the early morning hours, I determined to react with childlikeness. When he came home, I ran to the door to meet him, threw my arms around him weeping, and said, 'Oh, how could you do this to poor little me?' My husband was aroused to compassion and took me tenderly in his arms. This was the beginning of a new life for us."

Yes, a life where you're going to get syphillis from your cheating shit of a husband.

Christ. Okay, listen. If you're here because you searched Fascinating Womanhood and you're interested in using the method to improve your marriage, please - consider just finding a better man to be married to. This book is nonsense. It is not your responsibility to be taken advantage of, or to roll over while your husband hits you, lies to you, fails to make any effort to help support the family, gathers STD's from some other woman. You are just as capable of handling the finances as a man. Men don't want women who wear frilly dresses around the house or who avoid physical labor by manipulating their men. Be a partner - if your man can't handle it, he's got insecurity problems that you can't fix, and it ain't worth trying.

More on Fascinating Womanhood

So, when you google "Fascinating Womanhood", Switzerblog is the second hit. All hail meta-switzer! What you also find when you google "Fascinating Womanhood" is that there are a LOT of people who still subscribe to it. So to you who are looking for answers for your marriage in a 50 year old book and discredited methodology: Thanks for stopping by, sorry to disappoint, and please take your crazy elsewhere. We're all full up here.

So. Greatest. Hit. Ever. Same google search produced this link, to the bio for Mrs. Lawson, who appeard on Wife Swap back in December. Mrs. Lawson is a grown woman who ...wait, breaking news...

*side note* I watch late-night TV. It often makes me sad, and especially the pseudo-Christian televangelists. I'm watching Don Stewart of Power and Mercy, who is pushing a green prosperity handkerchief, which you can just call to receive. He's of course wearing a green shirt, as well. The guy is in the new televangelist mode, who swears that God wants you to be rich, and if you'll just pray with him and, to quote what he just said, call now and swear your tithe, God will fill your coffers with the money that he wants you to have. Indeed, call now to make a vow of tithe. Yeesh, he's asking for $1000! This nonsense make me furious. His show has absolutely nothing to do with Christianity. He wants the poor people watching him to send him money, and he promises to send them a great blessing. Don Stewart will send the blessing - not God, but Don. Disgusting. If you want YOUR green prosperity handkerchief, click here. Get your crappy green hanky today! What a jackass...

Oops, he's been replaced by Robert Tilton swearing that if they just call and tithe to their ministry, God will make them rich. It's replaced the get-rich-quick infomercials! He's urging you to follow the word of God and get rich, which he defines as "having more than you need". Wow, I remember Jesus assuring us a rich man will have the MOST difficult time getting into heaven. Evil. Just. Evil.

Anyhoo. Mrs. Lawson follows the tenets of Fascinating Womanhood - even teaches a class on it! Let's see some of her answers to the bio questions:

Oh. My. God. He's urging people to buy his book and become a millionaire.

Anyway. Back to Mrs. Lawson. (Man, these guys are distracting!)

"A wife must make her husband feel masculine. When women do men's jobs, men feel threatened, home life gets disrupted, and marriages are ruined. I would never do anything to undermine my husband's masculinity, including working outside the home. Some professions are especially inappropriate for women. We believe that women should never be police officers or fire fighters. Women need to be protected, not protect."

Yeesh.

What tips can you give for coping with your other half? My husband comes first; he is the head of our household and I don't tell him what to do around our house. Men need to feel strong and masculine, and I wouldn't feel comfortable taking on male characteristics, like being assertive, decisive and powerful. Women are meant to be ladylike and feminine, and that's what men respond best to in a woman.

When my husband gets home, I turn my attention to him. I go to the door, take his coat and shoes and make sure he's comfortable. If he's had a rough day, I massage his back and feet. I have dinner ready for him when he walks through the door and serve him whenever he's ready to eat.

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When, on the rare occasion, my husband does get angry, I've learned that acting childlike helps diffuse things.
...

What subject do you and your partner disagree on the most?
If we disagree, we don't argue. We discuss our differences, but as the man of the house, my husband has the final say.

Calvin [switzer: Calvin is their 17-year old] is not allowed to date as long as he is living in our house because we believe that dating only sets people up for divorce. We recently discovered he had a girlfriend at school, so we had to come down hard on him. He is allowed to talk on the phone with family members and male friends. Calvin wants to move out when he's finished with high school. He would prefer to have more freedom.

...

Does your partner ever cook?
My husband cooking does not and will not happen. I believe it's my job to cook, and he wouldn't do it anyway. I believe the kitchen is the woman's place. He doesn't set foot in it.

...

I know I shouldn't cater to my children's pickiness, but I do anyway. After all, it's a mother's job to make sure her children are fed. Jamar does not eat foods that are mixed together, like soups or casseroles. He likes chicken and pasta but not pasta and chicken together. He eats all of one thing before he moves on to the next and doesn't like them to touch on the plate. [switzer: hey, lady - you've made your kid obsessive-compulsive. Yay, God!]

And the best part: I'll put the financial section up in toto:

FINANCES

Who controls the money?

My husband controls the money. I let him know what I need for groceries, cleaning supplies and clothes for the kids, and he decides what he will give me. I'm grateful for it. I keep track of the bills, when they're due and when they need to be paid. I let him know what needs to be paid and how much. He decides when and how. I don't spend money without asking him.

If I want something, I tell my husband and explain why it would be useful to me. I then step back and let him make a decision while I pray about it. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a car, but it is not a priority right now. Demetrius will get us a second vehicle when the time is right for us.

Are you spenders or savers?

I don't know whether we're spenders or savers.

How much do you each spend on treats or vices per week?

I usually don't spend more than $5 a week on myself. If I spend anything, it's to buy a special coffee. I get the kids candy if I walk to the gas station. I don't' know what Demetrius spends.

People really believe this shit. I'll keep posting excerpts. For those of you coming here for inspirational reading, know this: I'm mocking you. Fascinating Womanhood is a relic. You are a relic. And please, please, pleeeezzzz, leave comments. I'd LOVE to hear from folks who share Mrs. Lawson's views (or better yet, one of her students!)

Be a fascinating woman in three easy steps

It's time. I'm starting my series of posts from the 1963 book "Fascinating Womanhood", by Helen B. Andelin. Me and Mrs. Switzer came into possession of an original 1963 edition of the book, which appears to be unblemished by the hand of whichever apparently less-than-fascinating woman owned it. Every so often, I'm going to provide, for your pleasure, an excerpt from the book. I mean, really, what switzer-reader doesn't want to be a fascinating woman?

It should be noted that the image to the left is straight outtta the book - it's the visual representation of what men want - apparently, we want the angelic/human woman. So without further ado... (this should be gooooood)

Today's excerpt is from Chapter 3: Accept a man at face value. I begin mid-chapter, in a section titled "Is there ever a time when I should try to change him?" (the answer is "no", btw). I will post the excerpt verbatim, but will add emphasis via bolding for the really delicious parts.

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3. When A Man Does Something Wrong: Another time to respond to a man's faults is when he is dishonest, unkind, weak, sinful, or in any way shows a lack of character. If you overlook his weakness, you display a lack of character yourself. The way to respond to his improper conduct is this: At first show reluctance to believe it. Say that you thought it was impossible for a man such as he to do such a thing. If you are compelled to believe it, indicate that you know it is contrary to his true nature and was only the result of carelessness or thoughtlessness. You must be immensely disappointed at his temporary lapse, but your faith in his better side must be unshaken.

SOME SPECIAL PROBLEMS

1. The Alcoholic Husband: Many women ask, must I accept alcoholism in my husband? Alcoholism is one of the most difficult of faults for a woman to accept in a man, due to related problems of squandering money, ugliness of disposition, dishonesty, unreliableness, other women, and the deterioration of the home. Women almost despair over this problem. Many have asked me, "How can I accept what he has done to our life?" In answer, "you must accept htis," but let me stress some points which will make this acceptance possible.

First, realize that alcoholism is one of the most difficult of all weaknesses to overcome. You will have to gain an understanding of the depth of the problem and a sympathy for what the man faces. I know you have been told this before, but here is what you can do to make sympathy real. Once a month fast for three days - going without all food or beverage - nothing but water. You will soon get the picture of what you are expecting of a man when you ask him to give up his enslaving habit. Although food is not a habit, going without it will serve our purpose of gaining sympathy.

Next, try to gain a humility of spirit in the following way: Take a look at your reaction to his problem. Even though you have known better, you have probably yelled, nagged, insulted and abused him for the mess he has made of your lives. When he acts like he does, you have had a bad attitude, lost patience and exploded. You may have tried to live the principles of Fascinating Womanhood, but time and time again you have failed to apply them.

If you can admit such weakness in yourself, the inability to control yourself and a failure to do what you know you should do, then can you condemn your husband for his weakness, a most difficult human weakness to overcome? Your weaknesses are relatively easy to overcome. His are almost impossible. If you will "cast out the beam from your own eye first," then you will be able to see the terrible enslaving bond of alcoholism that your husband is under.

2. Cruelty to children: If a man is dangerously cruel with his children in that he would harm either body or spirit, the wife has a moral and sacred obligation to protect her children by taking them out of his presence or even out of the household and remaining away until all danger is past. This step can be taken kindly but firmly, not condemning the man, but protecting the children. You will have to accept even cruelty as a human weakness and not judge the man, but try to understand the causes of his cruelty. Your own kind but firm spirit may be the means of bringing him to reality.

3. Other Women: There are two things a woman can rightfully expect in marriage, and they are fidelity and financial support. If the husband is involved with another woman, I suggest that the wife deal with the problem in the following way:

First, face your part in the problem by asking yourself what you did to drive him away. After a study of Fascinating Womanhood, you will see many of these mistakes. Correcting these errors can be the means of winning him back, and in many cases this has been done quickly and under difficult circumstances.

After you have eliminated your mistakes and become a wonderful wife, if he continues immoral practices, it will be time to bring him to a showdown, stating clearly but firmly that he will have to make a choice and that if he does not give her up you will have to leave him. And be prepared to keep your word.

It is morally wrong for a woman to continue to live with a man who is immoral. It can actually prevent his repentance, for if he has both of you, he does not have the incentive he needs to give her up. This step can be taken with understanding and humility, accepting the sin as a great human weakness, extremely difficult to overcome. This can be done without condemning or judging him. A woman cannot turn her back on her husband's infidelity with a clear conscience. She has a moral obligation to make an effort to win him back, for as long as he lives in sin he is on the way to destruction. By winning him back, you not only save a marriage, but a soul!

4. Nonsupport: The second thing a woman can expect in marriage is financial support. This means an income to cover necessities and a home of her own - a house, apartment or respectable dwelling place away from any other family. If the man does not provide these things, there is justification for action.

Since women are not inclined to let the children suffer hunger or want, many solve this problem by going to work. This step, however, will weaken the man's incentive and increase the problem. If she provides the income, he is removed from the weight of his responsibility. If the wife refuses to work, an indolent man may walk out on his responsibility and leave the wife to face her problems alone. In this case, the wife has no choice but to support the family but should refuse to have the man return until he arranges for their support. I am not implying that there are not certain circumstances and emergencies when the wife should work, but the responsibility is the man's as we will learn in a later chapter.

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Wow! So we're off to a great start! Remember ladies, if your husband is a dumbass, lazy cheater, it's your fault. Get your act together! I have a feeling this theme will be repeated...